The Things We Are Not Supposed to Talk About

A good friend of mine told me today about how one of her granddaughters recently got beaten up by a fellow student for:

1. singing a "black song."

2. responding to a question by said student about whether or not she wanted to be black by saying that she actually wanted to be Latina.

3. admitting that she was in actuality an Arab.

Needless to say, none of these reasons deserved punishment but that's what the poor girl got anyway. And unfortunately, such incidents are not rare. According to my friend, the girl's older half-brother got similar treatment from bullies when he was younger even though he was half-black. For that matter, so did the girl's biracial mother.

And sadly enough, the student responsible did not apologize until several days afterward -- and even then the grandmother suspected that the bully's true motive for apologizing was not genuine regret but a desire to avoid prosecution for a hate crime.

I could go on to say more but then again it should not matter what else I could say. The fact is that the little girl was bullied and I can't help feeling very angry about it. It should not matter if the girl responsible was white. It should not matter if she was black. It should not matter if she was Arab or Latina or Asian or anything else. A bully is a bully is a bully is a bully is a bully and anyone who tells you different is probably either a potential bully or an enabler of bullies.

I know that is fashionable in some sections of modern society to pretend differently but I prefer not to think that way. After all, when a former co-worker told me about how her younger sister had once been bullied by Mexicans, my first reaction was not, "Yeah, you Anglo girls deserved that." It was "My God, how would I feel if something like that happened to my sister!"

I also know that it is fashionable to rationalize the desire to not talk about such incidents on the grounds that such talk will only encourage people to get the wrong idea about certain minorities. This is an understandable sentiment but unfortunately, it is also a bit shortsighted if for no other reason that most of the victims of such bullies are themselves minorities. And even if they were white, the same attitude would still be shortsighted. After all, few white people -- especially white liberals -- would be flattered by the idea that there is absolutely no difference between them and the average white bully. Yet this is very often the type of assumption that white liberals are expected to make in regard to nonwhite bullies: that there is no difference between, say, the Mexican who beats up on little kids and the Mexican who does not beat up on little kids. And even if such assumptions could be "proved" to be just, the fact still remains that most people -- regardless of race-- resent like hell the idea that it's okay for people to beat them up.

In any event, this is not a recent problem. Some of my older Mexican-American cousins used to complain about the bullying they experienced in Detroit schools back when they were young. And I somehow doubt that they were the only ones who experienced such problems.

For that matter, I don't kid myself that any one ethnic group has a monopoly on school bullies. But I also don't kid myself that any ethnic group is immune to the temptation to bully.

As for the notion that we just should not talk about it:

1. The one thing we should have learned in the 1960s is that major social problems don't just go away because certain people don't want to talk about them.

2. Said problems are likely to affect people's behavior and attitudes whether we talk about them or not. So it is not very helpful to society to just pretend such problems don't exist.

3. Just because you don't want to talk about certain problems doesn't mean that people are going to stop talking about them. They just won't talk about them to you. And that attitude, needless to say, can come back to haunt you.

Pop Song of the Week: "Gone Daddy Gone"

It's a good thing that my friend C____ never read this blog because she would have hated this video. And as much as I like the song itself, I can't help wishing for C____'s sake that the video wasn't such a FU to epileptics.

On the plus side, I can't help agreeing with the YouTube commenter who lamented the acute shortage of xylophone solos in modern music.

R.I.P. Mi Mejor Amiga

My best friend killed herself this weekend. I don't know why she did it and I don't know how. Nor does any of that matter to me at this moment.

She was one of the best things in my life for many years and she helped save my life on at least one occasion. She always gave me someone to talk to when I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone else and I would like to think that I was able to return the favor more than a few times.

Since she was older than me and had less health problems, I never expected to outlive her. But I did.

She will be missed by many people but especially by me. For what that's worth...

R.I.P. La Hija de Mi Amiga

One of my friends called me this past Saturday to tell me that her daughter had committed suicide. She left behind two daughters of her own, one who was 5 years old and another who was 9. She also left behind a seventeen-year-old son. At this point, there is no telling what will happen to any of the children.

However, as far as my friend is concerned, the daughter -- despite all her faults -- has been missed and is still being missed as I write this.

I can't think of anything else to say at this moment.

It Was a Tangled Web That They Wove But It Was Woven in a Good Way

The first time I saw the 2010 movie Tangled, I was surprised how much actress Donna Murphy's "Mother Knows Best" number seemed to describe the dysfunctional love-hate relationship that one of my female friends had with her own mother. Like the main character of Tangled, the woman in question seemed to have a loving mother but only as long as she did what she was told. The minute the woman in question stopped obeying her mother's wishes, the woman's mother proved to be not so loving -- so much so that the woman spent most of her time in mortal fear of her mother's disapproval. (And bear in mind that this friend was a woman who was old enough to work at a local hospital.) While the woman's mother made a great show of showing people outside her family how friendly she could be, it seemed obvious by my friend's statements to me in private that her mother was not quite as friendly behind closed doors. If that was not bad enough, every time she and her mother had an argument, the friend would often be threatened with the possibility being thrown out of her mother's home -- a threat which usually made her back down really fast.

Fortunately, this movie's main character -- Rapunzel -- was not as intimidated as my friend but then she had the luxury of being a fictional character. Granted, we should be wary of reading our own issues into movies lest we see stuff that is not really there. But I never really expected to identify with Rapunzel as much as I did after I came across that number on YouTube -- and of course after that, I had to sample other songs from the same movie and then rent the video.

Mind you, I don't consider this flick to be a perfect movie. I could have done without the anachronistic chameleon that Rapunzel had for a pet or for that matter, Maximus the world's most dedicated guard horse. For that matter, I am not the world's biggest fan of singer Mandy Moore -- the person who voiced the character of Rapunzel -- though I must admit that I liked her very much in this movie. And yet when I consider how much I expected to hate this movie judging from an early description of it that I had read online... Well, suffice it to say that I rather be surprised by how good a movie is than by how bad it is.

Anyway, Tangled is a retelling of the classic story of Rapunzel, the long-haired princess who was trapped in a tower due to an old curse. Since this is a modern retelling, this Rapunzel was not content to sit around and wait to be rescued. Instead she chose to leave her tower voluntarily even though the woman she considered to be her mother firmly warned her against doing so. Along the way, she met up with a would-be thief who wished to hide out in her tower until his pursuers lost interest, only to end up interested in Rapunzel instead. This being a Disney film, there were countless misunderstandings for Rapunzel and her would-be boyfriend to wade through but there was also an inevitable happy ending.

Rapunzel eventually learned that yes, the world can be a scary place but despite what her would-be mother said, it could be beautiful as well. It was all a question of where you chose to look. And that is hardly the worst lesson one can receive nowadays.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Mejor Amiga!

My mejor amiga has been through a sea of troubles this past year but I would like to think that she has finally reached calm waters. Anyway, today is her birthday and I wish her well. She may not need my wishes but I'm making them all the same.

Here's hoping that all the good friends of all my readers are equally untroubled.

Pensamientos Acerca de Televisión

Shameless (U.S.): “Pilot”

The first time I saw this show, I was tempted to dismiss it as a cartoonish attempt to copy the success of its British namesake. Granted, you don't see a lot of shows about poor urban whites on American TV and even less on American cable but there was a certain air about this series that made me wonder how many of its writers spent any time around real-life poor people.

It did not help that William H. Macy's efforts to emulate the dysfunctional patriarch of the original series seemed a bit off. The attempt to copy the original's introduction did not work at all and it was no surprise when the second episode went with a more visual intro. Granted, the intro still seemed a bit off but at least it was off in an original way.

In any event, I recently changed my mind about the series when I found out that a friend of mine was a big fan of the show. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she herself has been poor and was once forced to live in her car for an extended period of time but for some reason, I found her take on this series more credible than the usual rave review from white middle class TV critics.

To be fair, there was something fascinating about the writers' approach to the material even before I found out about my friend's love for the show. The events depicted on this series are never quite as realistic as the equivalent events on the original series but they push the envelope in a way that is quite breathtaking even by American cable standards and they often cover issues that other shows just won't deal with. Plus it is hard for me to condemn one of the few American shows that does not glamorize alcoholism and other forms of addiction at a time when it is becoming more and more fashionable to romanticize such habits. Most such addictions do involve pain relief but unfortunately, such relief tends to all too often come at the expense of others, a fact often overlooked whenever a rich and famous celebrity dies of a overdose or a bad liver.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say about this series before it is through. And not just because I wish to please my friend.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Mejor Amiga!

Mi mejor amiga has been sick for about two weeks but hopefully she is feeling better today so that she can celebrate her birthday in a proper mood.

I suppose that I could consider mi current girlfriend/novia to be mi mejor amiga as well but I rather not confuse the two at this point. After all, I have known the original a lot longer. Plus she saved my life once.

Moreover, mi novia's birthday is in November so be sure to tune in for that.

Why, Yes, I Did Have a Good Weekend

At least as far as my social life went.

I met one online friend face-to-face Friday and I met a new offline friend Sunday. Right now I wish my job hunt was as successful but I'm hoping that will change this week. If not, there's always tax season to look forward to.

Meanwhile, one of my mysterious new upstairs neighbors is actually initiating conversations with me. I dare not guess what that means since she appears to have a boyfriend but hey, it's better than her not noticing me at all.

And oh, yes, I actually did see some movies that I need to write about this week. Wish me luck.

A Broken Window Is Always a Pane

The only thing more annoying than finding out yesterday that someone or something broke a hole in my kitchen window was the fact that not one of my neighbors stepped up to take responsibility for it. No “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it; please let me know how much it costs to fix it.” Not even a “that sucks.”

It is as if the baseball-sized hole in my window came about through an act of nature -- one that was committed by, say, an angry squirrel or a rampaging acorn -- rather than through human error -- which seems unlikely -- and that it is essentially just my problem now and not that of the person or persons who broke it.

Almost as annoying as that is the run-around I have been getting from a glazier a friend recommended. I get that repairmen have busy schedules and that on weekends, people who repair windows have especially busy schedules. But it seems like it is taking forever simply to get the guy to come out and give me an estimate.

In the meantime, a friend's spouse is recovering from an operation he underwent to remove an aneurysm so I keep telling myself I could have worse problems.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte XX

Well, TEC finally honored my latest unemployment claim this past week and paid me for the last month and half. It is surprising how fast it went -- and yes, most of it went toward either gas or bills but at least I am no longer having to choose between applying for food stamps and hitting the blood bank. Plus a good friend gave me some cash and some spare groceries as a belated birthday gift which was very handy for me. God bless her very much.

Moreover, I may have a job next month. I am keeping my fingers crossed lest I jinx something but there is a strong possibility I might get hired very soon. Of course, I will not be totally sure until I am actually working but in the meantime, it is good to have hope for a change.

Last Dance with MaryJane?

I'm beginning to realize why people get so cynical about drug users.

The same female friend who swore up and down last year that she was never smoking marijuana again because she was so worried about flunking a drug test has admitted to me recently that she has smoked marijuana since that time. She also recently claimed to have quit -- but not until after she got a ticket for marijuana possession.

The funny thing is that I have known enough people -- both "respectable" and not so respectable -- who have smoked the stuff that I should have known better. But since the person in question is also a friend, I let my idealism blind me to factors a more cynical me would have picked up on.

I would like to believe that the woman is on the right path now. But for how long?

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte XVII

I spent a pleasant evening with a friend on Wednesday and enjoyed a very good night's sleep on Thursday so naturally I lost my job on Friday. Technically, I was still in training but it still smarts to find myself back at square one.

Perhaps it was a blessing and I'll end up getting a better job in the long run. Perhaps.

On the bright side, my sister found a part-time job this past week and one of my female friends got a job as a state inspector. So maybe things are becoming more favorable in the job market. We'll see.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte XI

The female friend who had lost her job last month has already found a new one. It does not pay as much as her last job but at least she is working.

I finally found out what went wrong with my tax refund this year and I should have it by the end of this month -- if I am lucky.

And I report to orientation for my new job next Monday so hopefully this should be the last installment in this series that I have to write for a long while.

Wish me luck.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte X

Apparently I'm still depending on the kindness of strangers.

Though I must admit that my family and friends have been more supportive than I expected.

Then again one of my friends lost her job just last week so her adventures with the world of unemployment are just beginning.

Pleased stay tuned.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte IX

I may actually get a job this week.

Then again I may not.

I passed the first three steps of the interview with a certain company and I'm signed up with at least three temp agencies in case that fails.

And my tax refund check is officially on its way. It's just a question of when it will get here. I guess that's what I get for not filing online this year.

In other news, my sister is participating in a medical experiment to earn extra money and a former co-worker has a side job making buttons for a local Tea Party organization. Ironically, he's not doing it because he supports the cause; he's doing it because he needs the money.

A friend of mine was flirting with the idea of applying for food stamps a while back but she hasn't talked about doing so lately. Then again she hasn't asked me to help her buy groceries either. I'm hoping that that's a good thing.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I spent most of the last two weeks trying to help a fellow American who was down on her luck and now I wonder if maybe I helped her too much.

At the time it seemed like a smart thing to do. So many of my friends have problems that are beyond my power to solve that helping the one person I knew whose problems were relatively easy to fix seemed like a piece of cake.

Now I'm beginning to wonder whether I made a mistake. Time will tell.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte V

I'm actually receiving unemployment now so I'm stressing out a lot less over bills though money is still tight for obvious reasons.

Because so many family members are unemployed this year, my mother made us draw names so that each of us only had to buy one adult a gift. The rest of our gift efforts were to be spent on the children.

I've gone on a few interviews but so far without success. Indeed, I was depressed to learn that at least two of the unsolicited e-mails I received after posting my resume on several on-line sites came from sites that had been denounced as scams by various sources on the Internet. It's a good thing I checked them out before filling out an application. But I can't help but be fearful on behalf of those potential applicants who may be too desperate to resist such e-mails. I usually don't like waxing moralistic but I would like to believe that there's a special place in Hell reserved for those scam artists who prey upon the poor and the unemployed.

On the bright side, the female friend I was so worried about in the last installment of this feature passed her drug test. She's still having problems but at least flunking her drug test and losing her job as a result aren't among them.

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte IV

I spent most of the past month wondering if I was going to turn into the protagonist of George Orwell's Keep the Aspidistra Flying because like him, I was finding myself becoming more and more obsessed with money, class issues and missed opportunities. On the bright side, I do like to think I treat my sister better than the guy in Orwell's novel treated his, but then if you have read the novel, you know that is not saying much.

Anyway, today I finally got a callback on one of my job applications only to make the mistake of trying to answer the phone with my mouth full. Whereupon the caller promptly hung up. I am not sure if I blew the job altogether or whether there is still a chance I will get another callback but so far... No news. And I have been wanting to kick myself all afternoon for acting like a stupid sitcom character at that one moment that I really did not need to act like one.

I may actually get an unemployment check next week. But I dare not count on it too much. And anyway, I do not really want to be on unemployment. I would rather have a job.

Lately it seems that everyone I know has been in the middle of a bad soap opera. In fact, I am still waiting to hear from one female friend who had to take a drug test last week and who was positively frightened at the idea that she might flunk it and lose her job. In the past, I would have been a lot more judgmental about such a person, but having seen how responsible this person acts in the other areas of her life -- especially when caring for her children -- I must confess that I am quite sympathetic towards her. Not because I believe in illegal drug use; just the opposite. I can be as militant about drug dealers as anyone but I also tend to be skeptical about the notion that the war on drugs is going to be won by punishing the heck out of some poor single mom who has a few tokes with her friends on her day off. But then poor single moms do not tend to be big campaign contributors so I do not see that type of drug policy changing any time soon. Unless she moves to California. But that is obviously not an option at this point.

Oh, well. I have plenty of reasons to keep my fingers crossed this week. Isn't it such a good thing that the recession is over?

Buscando Trabajo de Nuevo: Parte II

Apparently no news is good news.

Mi Mejor Amiga has one hand in a plastic bandage, one of my younger brothers is still unemployed and my favorite hermana had to borrow money from me yesterday.

On the bright side, I appear to have a new dinner companion.

Not that I'm able to go out to dinner too often for obvious reasons.

And I managed to make it through the date of what would have been my second wedding anniversary without incident. Perhaps because I was too busy worrying about other stuff.