R.I.P. Un Otro de Mis Primos Mayores

I got news from my mother earlier this week that another one of my older cousins in Detroit passed away in April due to the Corona virus. It has been years since I've seen him face-to-face yet he and his siblings still had a profound effect on my life -- if for no other reason than the fact that he and his siblings were the closest things to older brothers that I ever had.

He will be missed.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite cousin's birthday today.

I hope you all are as happy as she should be.

If you all are not all that happy, I hope that your lives change for the better in the coming year.

The Muse Wears a Shoulder Holster in Detroit City

I am often haunted by the suspicion that the same older cousin who once showed me a radio script he wrote -- and thus taught me that people like me that I actually knew could write stuff worth reading -- is the same cousin doing time in the Michigan prison system for murder. I would like to believe that my memory is wrong about this. But I doubt it is.

In fact, I have several cousins who are either doing time or have done time for murder. One of them is dead; the others are still in prison as far as I know. They are all people with whom I grew up. People I considered surrogate siblings. I find it difficult to talk about this aspect of my family without sounding like Michael Corleone talking to Kay Adams about his family. Granted, I would like to think I'm a long way from being a Michael Corleone. None of my relatives are members of organized crime as far as I know and I certainly don't aspire to live the gangster lifestyle. But I do have relatives in prison and I am continually haunted by the notion that it is only by the grace of God and a few lucky breaks on my part that I never ended up there myself. I don't aspire to break the law -- though I would be a fool to deny that there were times when I was tempted. And while I consider myself smart -- well, the cousins who went to prison weren't exactly dumb either.

It would be nice to blame their sins on society but then I would have to ask myself why society did not push relatives of mine who grew up in similar circumstances to do the same thing that they did. Moreover, I don't believe that it's all that useful to society to forever use it as an alibi for the sins that one chose to commit. And I certainly don't believe that it's useful to me.

The last few times I went to the hospital, I stopped breathing while under observation. By all rights I should be dead right now but the hospital staff managed to revive me and get me breathing again. And yet despite my many health problems, I managed to outlive my younger sister and my best friend -- both people who seemed sure to outlive me. As a result, I often feel a bad case of survivor's guilt -- especially around the winter holidays.

And yet it could be worse. I could be in a prison cell. I could have blood on my hands because I took another person's life. I could feel the guilt that comes with making a very bad choice that could never be undone.

Then again guilty people don't always feel guilty. One of the cousins I mentioned above was notorious for never taking responsibility for the life he took. As far as he was concerned, she was just some lady who got in the way. Who should have minded her own business. Who did not understand that it was none of her business whether or not he took a loaded rifle over to his ex-wife's house...

I really wish I didn't have stories like that swimming around in my head. And I wish to God they weren't true. However, they are true. And they'll probably be swimming around in my head till the day I die.

Poema de Mi Id: Parte VII

"Respect"

Don't disrespect your older cousin,
his beloved father said,
not so much for your cousin's sake
but for the sake for your grandmother
who still remembers him as a young boy,
innocent and full of promise,
and who must now visit him in prison,
where he'll undoubtedly be
for the rest of his natural life.

R.I.P. Mi Primo Mayor

I just got news from my mother this morning that one of my older cousins in Detroit has passed away. It has been years since I've seen him face-to-face yet he and his siblings still had a profound effect on my life -- if for no other reason than the fact that he and his siblings were the closest things to older brothers that I ever had.

He will be missed.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite cousin's birthday today.

I hope you all are as happy as she should be.

If you all are not all that happy, I hope that your lives change for the better.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite cousin's birthday today.

I hope you all are as happy as she should be.

Hey, I Remember This Show: The Patty Duke Show

Given the type of things actress Patty Duke has said about her teenage years in her autobiography, it seems like a sick joke for me to have any fond memories of this show. But at least I still find the theme to be catchy. And if nothing else, this show's existence in my own childhood might explain my own obsession with female cousins and for that matter, the fact that I once fell head over heels for a woman named Cathy. Of course, if the Cathy in question had looked anything like Patty Duke, that would be strange, but fortunately, she didn't.

As for the real-life Patty Duke, I wish for her sake that life had been as pleasant for her off-screen as it seemed to be on-screen. But that was not to be.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite cousin's birthday today.

I hope you all are as happy as she should be.

Prima Power

My paternal cousins in Detroit are on a mission to get our entire family on Facebook. And indeed, it's surprising how many of my extended family are already on that site.

Of course, considering how large most Mexican-American families were in my father's generation, I should not find this surprising. As my mother once joked, when my siblings and I were born in the early 1960s, four children was considered a small family. By the time we hit high school in the 1970s, four children was considered a large family.

When my paternal relatives had a picture taken at a female cousin's wedding, so many people were in attendance from the bride's side of the family that the photographer had to use the same two-camera system most photographers use to photograph high school graduation ceremonies. (And that was just the relatives who managed to show up.)

Anyway, I suspect my cousins are on a mission to take over Facebook.

And what will they do tomorrow night?

Why, the same thing they do every night...

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite first cousin's birthday today.

I doubt she reads this blog but I send her my best birthday wishes anyway.

I know it's not fashionable to show any affection for one's extended family -- heck, it hardly seems fashionable these days to show any affection for one's nuclear family -- but as I said before, I'd rather not be fashionable on most issues.

I hope she has a great birthday.

A Death in the Family: Parte I

I wrote a piece this morning for this very blog which I was going to post today. It was a list of my favorite Christmas songs.

Then I checked my E-mail and discovered a letter from my father's oldest sister. In the letter, she told me that one of my older cousins had passed away yesterday from heart failure. Suddenly, I lost all heart for blogging. Especially any blogging concerning cheery subjects.

Maybe next week I'll post something.

Maybe.

If not, then I wish a Merry Christmas to those few of you who read this blog. And I wish you a Happy New Year as well.

And enjoy the company of your loved ones now because you never know when they'll not be around anymore.