R.I.P. Un Otro de Mis Primos Mayores

I got news from my mother earlier this week that another one of my older cousins in Detroit passed away in April due to the Corona virus. It has been years since I've seen him face-to-face yet he and his siblings still had a profound effect on my life -- if for no other reason than the fact that he and his siblings were the closest things to older brothers that I ever had.

He will be missed.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Hermana!

It is my late sister's birthday today. I hope she's enjoying herself, wherever she is.

El 4 de Julio

July 4th means many things to many people, but to me, it will always mean first and foremost my late father's birthday.

My father was not born in the United States but he eventually became a citizen here, and had he not come to this country, the chances are my siblings and I would not exist.

He was not a perfect man but he was a good man who always tried to do his best, and by his example alone, he taught me more about true virtue than a hundred sermons ever could. He was not always wise but he was one of the smartest men I knew. He always encouraged me to be a better person than I thought I could be, and for that alone, I'll always treasure him.

I don't know the words to truly do him justice. But I like to think I'm following his path every time I go out of my way to help someone or I speak out against injustice.

He was my father.

There's little more I can say apart from that.

(A repost.)

¡Feliz Día del Padre!

Happy Father's Day to all my readers!

I hope you all are able to enjoy this holiday with your own fathers.

My father, unfortunately, is no longer with us but while he was alive, he inspired me in so many different ways that it seems futile for me to try and list them all.

For example, I once saw him working on a painting that looked much like the above illustration. When he asked him about it, he said that he had copied it from a picture -- and I'm guessing that the above illustration -- which comes from a famous book by Mexican architect Ignacio Marquina -- is the one he copied it from. To some people, that might not seem like much but it seemed obvious to me even when I was a child that it took a lot of effort for him to duplicate a picture like the above illustration so well that it looked like an original piece of work. And of course, my father's interest in things artistic eventually helped inspired my interest in the arts -- although, unlike him, I never seriously tried to copy an actual picture, much less create one from scratch.

Anyway, I am sorry that I never had a chance to question him more about his painting when he was alive but perhaps it is just as well. After all, some things are better left to the imagination.

Anyway, please enjoy the holiday.

(A repost in honor of my late father.)

Things I've Learned from My Father

1. Think for yourself.

2. Beware of ideology.

3. Poverty is hell.

4. It's not how much you earn that matters but how much you save.

5. Education is the best shortcut out of poverty.

6. Tell me what you brag about and I'll tell you what you lack.

7. Cada cabeza es un mundo. (Every head is a world; i.e., all people are special.)

8. You can always find an excuse not to do something if you don't want to do it.

(A repost.)

Things I'm Thankful For

1. Not having acquired the Coronavirus.

2. Not having to go to the hospital.

3. Being able to take time off work without losing my job.

4. Having friends and family who are well and healthy.

5. Not having to experience again what it feels like to be on a ventilator -- especially when there's a strong chance that next said experience might not involve giving me sedatives to keep me unconscious.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Hermano y Mi Mamá!

It's my mother's birthday and my youngest brother's birthday.

It is also the Catholic religious holiday known as Feast of the Immaculate Conception but you all probably knew that already.

Things I'm Thankful For

1. My mother. She has been very supportive of me during the last few years and I'm glad to see that she is still hanging in there and in good health.
2. My siblings, who have been more patient with me this past few years than perhaps they should be.
3. My current mejor amiga, who has been more patient with me this year than I would have been in her place.
4. My health. (Never a thing to take for granted at my age.)
5. My job. (Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a job this time of year.)
6. My co-workers.
7. My late sister's children, who are doing their best to make their mother proud.
8. My relatives in Michigan, California and other states, who continue to inspire me far more than they will ever know.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Prima Favorita!

It's my favorite cousin's birthday today.

I hope you all are as happy as she should be.

If you all are not all that happy, I hope that your lives change for the better in the coming year.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Hermana!

It is my late sister's birthday today. I hope she's enjoying herself, wherever she is.

¡Feliz Día del Padre!

Happy Father's Day to all my readers!

I hope you all are able to enjoy this holiday with your own fathers.

My father, unfortunately, is no longer with us but while he was alive, he inspired me in so many different ways that it seems futile for me to try and list them all.

For example, I once saw him working on a painting that looked much like the above illustration. When he asked him about it, he said that he had copied it from a picture -- and I'm guessing that the above illustration -- which comes from a famous book by Mexican architect Ignacio Marquina -- is the one he copied it from. To some people, that might not seem like much but it seemed obvious to me even when I was a child that it took a lot of effort for him to duplicate a picture like the above illustration so well that it looked like an original piece of work. And of course, my father's interest in things artistic eventually helped inspired my interest in the arts -- although, unlike him, I never seriously tried to copy an actual picture, much less create one from scratch.

Anyway, I am sorry that I never had a chance to question him more about his painting when he was alive but perhaps it is just as well. After all, some things are better left to the imagination.

Anyway, please enjoy the holiday.

(A repost in honor of my late father.)

Movie Quote of the Week

That's my family, Kay, that's not me.
--Al Pacino, The Godfather (1972)

The Muse Wears a Shoulder Holster in Detroit City

I am often haunted by the suspicion that the same older cousin who once showed me a radio script he wrote -- and thus taught me that people like me that I actually knew could write stuff worth reading -- is the same cousin doing time in the Michigan prison system for murder. I would like to believe that my memory is wrong about this. But I doubt it is.

In fact, I have several cousins who are either doing time or have done time for murder. One of them is dead; the others are still in prison as far as I know. They are all people with whom I grew up. People I considered surrogate siblings. I find it difficult to talk about this aspect of my family without sounding like Michael Corleone talking to Kay Adams about his family. Granted, I would like to think I'm a long way from being a Michael Corleone. None of my relatives are members of organized crime as far as I know and I certainly don't aspire to live the gangster lifestyle. But I do have relatives in prison and I am continually haunted by the notion that it is only by the grace of God and a few lucky breaks on my part that I never ended up there myself. I don't aspire to break the law -- though I would be a fool to deny that there were times when I was tempted. And while I consider myself smart -- well, the cousins who went to prison weren't exactly dumb either.

It would be nice to blame their sins on society but then I would have to ask myself why society did not push relatives of mine who grew up in similar circumstances to do the same thing that they did. Moreover, I don't believe that it's all that useful to society to forever use it as an alibi for the sins that one chose to commit. And I certainly don't believe that it's useful to me.

The last few times I went to the hospital, I stopped breathing while under observation. By all rights I should be dead right now but the hospital staff managed to revive me and get me breathing again. And yet despite my many health problems, I managed to outlive my younger sister and my best friend -- both people who seemed sure to outlive me. As a result, I often feel a bad case of survivor's guilt -- especially around the winter holidays.

And yet it could be worse. I could be in a prison cell. I could have blood on my hands because I took another person's life. I could feel the guilt that comes with making a very bad choice that could never be undone.

Then again guilty people don't always feel guilty. One of the cousins I mentioned above was notorious for never taking responsibility for the life he took. As far as he was concerned, she was just some lady who got in the way. Who should have minded her own business. Who did not understand that it was none of her business whether or not he took a loaded rifle over to his ex-wife's house...

I really wish I didn't have stories like that swimming around in my head. And I wish to God they weren't true. However, they are true. And they'll probably be swimming around in my head till the day I die.

Poema de Mi Id: Parte VII

"Respect"

Don't disrespect your older cousin,
his beloved father said,
not so much for your cousin's sake
but for the sake for your grandmother
who still remembers him as a young boy,
innocent and full of promise,
and who must now visit him in prison,
where he'll undoubtedly be
for the rest of his natural life.

My Mother's Still Sick

But she's getting better. Seriously.

I, on the other hand, have been forced to take at least a week off from work due to medical issues. Hopefully, I can return to work soon.

And Now My Mother is Sick...

But on the bright side, she is getting better. She still has a bit of a sore throat and a cough but she sounds better today than she did yesterday. Seriously.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Hermano y Mi Mamá!

It's that day again.

It's my mother's birthday and my youngest brother's birthday.

It is also the Catholic religious holiday known as Feast of the Immaculate Conception but you all probably knew that already.

Things I'm Thankful For

1. My mother. She has been very helpful to me these past few years and I'm glad to see that she is still hanging in there and in good health.
2. My siblings, who have been more patient with me this year than perhaps they should be.
3. My current mejor amiga, who has been more patient with me this year than I would have been in her place.
4. My health. (Never a thing to take for granted at my age.)
5. My job. (Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a job this time of year.)
6. My co-workers.
7. My late sister's children, who are doing their best to make their mother proud.
8. My relatives in Michigan, California and other states, who continue to inspire me far more than they will ever know.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Mi Hermano del Medio!

Today is my middle brother's birthday.

I hope he is in good health and staying out of today's rain.

Apparently I'm Puerto Rican Now

At least that's the impression I got from a Hispanic customer at my current place of employment yesterday when she asked me if I were Puerto Rican.

I'm not, of course, but apparently to her eyes, I looked like one. Needless to say, that's hardly the worst thing that could be said about me. Nor is it the first time I've been mistaken for a member of a different ethnic group other than the one I'm in. (Of course, as an ethnic half and half (half-Polish, half Mexican), I'm technically not a member of one ethnic group but still.)

At any rate, when I was growing up, I used to obsess about the fact that I didn't look more like my Mexican-American relatives. Apparently that's still true but at least I'm being mistaken for actual Hispanics now. So that's a good thing, right?