Morpheus Makes a Poor Film Critic: All The Things That I Have Seen

1. Beowulf (2007).

I fell asleep halfway through it so I can't really give it an honest review. None of the elements, however -- including Angelina Jolie's famous nude scene -- made me regret falling asleep, though.

2. No Reservations (2007).

Mi novia saw more of this film than I did and she enjoyed it. I fell asleep halfway through this one too, but I saw enough of it to admit that I wouldn't mind a second viewing. (And not just because of its star Catherine Zeta-Jones.) However, it's not a film that's high on my list to review.

3. Perfect Stranger (2007).

I kinda wish I had fallen asleep during this one. The premise was so dumb -- and worse yet, dated. The idea of one movie character posing for another on the Internet already seemed shamelessly old-fashioned when it was used in Closer a few years ago. Now? Well, the idea hasn't exactly improved with age...

4. The Grudge 2 (2006).

Perhaps High Tension wasn't so bad, after all. Not if dull horror flicks like this are the alternative. This film managed to be even worse than the original Grudge. The two female leads seemed to give better acting performances when they were promoting the movie in interviews than when they were in the actual movie.

5. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006).

I could do a whole article on why I hated this film, and some day I might. For now, I'll just say that I found the film to be seriously unfunny and not quite as daring as fans of its rude humor would think. And no, I don't say that because I'm a Bush fan. (In fact, I'm anything but a Bush fan.) I would have loved to jump on the “Sacha Baron Cohen is a genius” bandwagon, but in order to do that, I would have had to have been impressed by ideas that I hadn't seen a hundred times before on shows as derivative as American Dad!, and unfortunately, there are no such ideas to be found in this film.

6. Little Miss Sunshine (2006).

Mi mejor amiga liked only one scene toward the end. I liked a bit more than that but not enough to recommend it. I did love the fact that actress Toni Collette is still getting work. I was not so crazy about the others in the cast, though.

7. Enchanted (2007).

Not to be confused with Ella Enchanted, which came out several years ago. One film I definitely did not fall asleep during. But did I like it? Well... I thought it was ok. But not much more than that. On paper, it must have seemed a perfect idea. In a world in which almost everyone parodies Disney, why can't Disney parody Disney? Besides, it is not like the movie's premise (an animated fairy tale character gets magically transferred to the “real” world) has ever been done before.

And yet, once one gets past the cast (Amy Adams is cute, James Marsden is funny, Susan Sarandon makes a fine evil queen, etc.), there is not a whole lot here that was not better done in, say, Splash (yet another movie about a make-believe creature journeying in the real world).