A Message to Jessica

Jessica.

Watch out, Jessica.

It's no good moving out to the middle of nowhere, Jessica.

And it's no good dealing with those old country folk, Jessica, especially if they have a problem with you and your husband arriving in town in a hearse.

Haven't they ever seen Harold and Maude, Jessica?

Anyway, this town may seem like a nice quiet place, Jessica, but everyone knows there's no such thing in a horror movie.

What's that you say, Jessica?

You have no idea you're in a horror movie?

Keep thinking those good thoughts, Jessica. I'm sure the fact that you appear in a 1971 movie entitled Let's Scare Jessica to Death is just some bizarre coincidence.

And watch out for that mysterious Woman in White (played by Gretchen Corbett). Yes, she's played by the same woman who would later play Beth Davenport on The Rockford Files but that's not why she's creepy, Jessica.

And don't share too much with that husband of yours. Ever since you had that breakdown of yours, he must think you're crazy.

And who wouldn't be, with the type of things that goes on in this movie?

Wait? You say this isn't a movie?

And that you're just imagining this whole conversation the same way you have imagined so much else.

You just keep telling yourself that, Jessica.

And watch out for redheads...