The Not So Old Dark House

It’s one thing to go to bat for a movie like the original 1932 version of The Old Dark House. After all, who doesn’t love Gloria Stuart or Boris Karloff?

But the more “modern” 1963 version directed by William Castle? Perish the thought.

Even as a kid, I thought some of the movie’s sight gags were stupid and some of the “special effects” (for example, attempting to pass off a stuffed dog as a wild hyena) worse than stupid. Indeed, it might be argued that William Castle’s The Old Dark House was one of those films you saw as a child which you expected to make more sense when you saw it as a grown-up but never did.

And yet the movie has an odd air about it, the same air you’d expect to find in an eccentric cousin whom no one else in the family liked but who nevertheless always found time to entertain you when no one else would have anything to do with you.

It is not really a very good movie. Apart from an animated sequence created by Charles Addams -- yes, the same Charles Addams whose cartoons inspired the creation of The Addams Family -- there is not much in the first twenty minutes to merit attention and more often than not, the movie’s attempts to be funny come across as more silly than comic.

But then again it has Robert Morley who is always good no matter what type of role he’s stuck in. And Tom Poston -- an actor best known for his roles on Newhart and The Bob Newhart Show -- certainly makes an interesting -- if odd -- choice for the American-born protagonist Tom Penderel. Plus the eccentric music score proves that such scores existed long before Danny Elfman composed his first overture.

But then there is that plot. Tom Penderel is a dull, ordinary American who shares a flat with an eccentric English gambler Jasper Femm. Femm invites Penderel to his family estate to meet his female cousin but he never shows up. Instead, Penderel is introduced to the various members of Femm's family, each one more eccentric than the last.

There is Petiphar who is obsessed with Noah’s ark; Agatha, who is obsessed with knitting; Roderick, who is obsessed with guns, and Casper who is the identical twin of Jasper the gambler. The two female cousins are Cecilia, a seemingly normal young woman, and Morgana, an allegedly man-hungry woman whose impromptu courtship of Penderel seems to smack more of desperation than genuine lust. Then there is Morgana’s imaginatively named father Morgan who is so possessive of Morgana that he continually threatens to beat up any man who even looks in her direction. (And yes, that includes reluctant objects of Morgana’s affection like Tom Penderel.)

No sooner has Penderel met most of the family than they begin dying off. Each time they do, a mysterious voice recites part of an old nursery rhyme involving old English church bells and the flag atop the family mansion is lowered to half-mast by some equally mysterious personage. Since there is no telling where the murderer will strike next, Penderel gets involved with the attempts to track him down, only to run afoul of various surviving family members. It’s not until the end that the true culprit is revealed -- and shortly afterwards, it becomes up to Penderel to save the mansion -- and all the living people still left within it -- from destruction.

So why do I like this movie so much when I know I shouldn’t? Well, like most people, I have a deep fondness for stuff I watched in childhood even when I know it is not good for me. Plus there is that music score I mentioned above and the sheer implausibility of that plot that seems almost breathtaking in its awfulness. At one point, we get a fight scene in the mansion’s cellar which was undoubtedly supposed to be reminiscent of the old silent film comics but instead seems more like an outtake from an old Three Stooges short. On the plus side, poor old uncle Petiphar’s obsession with arks and the end of the world seems like a possible inspiration for the apocalyptically obsessed protagonists of such later -- and better -- films as The Rapture and The Unbelievable Truth -- but I somehow doubt the makers of those films will ever acknowledge that.

Given the promise inherent in the film’s title, I can’t help wishing director William Castle tried a little bit harder in regard to this film. Then again, after seeing other William Castle movies, it seems apparent that comedy was not really Castle’s strong point. Just as one would never ask Busby Berkeley to direct a horror movie or Woody Allen to direct a Busby Berkeley-type musical, so must one reluctantly concede the fact that Castle was not much of a comedy director. Except when he was not trying to be.